Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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