why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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