Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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