Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
