So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
