i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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