my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I believe in your delicious
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
