I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
