How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
