I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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