every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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