I faked an abortion last night.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize