you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
