i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
