i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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