my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
