i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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