I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
