you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
