So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
