dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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