the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Houston, we have a blender
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
