guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
