i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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