you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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