i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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