At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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