i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize