He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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