Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
