Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I love black thongs
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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