He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
