a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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