Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
