i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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