we have officially lost it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
