do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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