I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
