I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
