just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
