Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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