I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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