I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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