yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
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