Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
