I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
