He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
