No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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