Little spoons don't ask big questions
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
