I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
