Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
