so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
