But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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