Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
