my mouth tastes like poor choices
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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