that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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