I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize