Me. At least after what I've been through.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
