I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
