I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
