I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
