i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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