the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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