using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
