A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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