That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
