glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
