Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
