I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize