Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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