I wanna bring you to show and tell
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
