she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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