Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
