i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
