I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
