So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
