When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
