I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
