The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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