Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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