I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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