He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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