My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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