we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize