Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
